How Do I Cancel a Date?

The question arises again and again: should I cancel the date or not? If so, how? The question is not answered as easily as one might think, because -especially for women- the issue is not whether the man she wants to meet is the right or wrong one, a cool man or not. Often she gets an uncertain feeling that maybe meeting him is not such a good idea, maybe he is not as great as she believes, i.e. she suddenly gets a funny feeling in her stomach she cannot explain exactly which makes her feel that she would rather not see him.

This is because for women the matter of dating is not as clear as for men. He simply says to himself: she was great, I want to see her again, or she was not the right one and I don’t want to see her again.


She, however, has ambiguous feelings that arise in first place from the fact that she has to make much more complicated decisions when choosing a man for the next date (see also “What Women Really Want“), i.e. at the first meeting she already has many conflicting emotions that will persist, as she always has to weigh what exactly she wants him for in her life, and how the next date will affect the relationship with him. On the other hand, as a woman she has far greater fears of what can go wrong. But no worries, it’s not because women are simply small and weak creatures, but because they are psychologically much more invested in a complex way when it comes to dating and relationships.

What to do?

Actually, things are not that difficult, because before the date, just when these strange feelings come up, it is much easier if you do not devote yourself to complicated feelings and would rather cancel the date, but just think: what can really happen? What do I want from him? What does he expect from the upcoming date? The answer is usually pretty clear and then you can decide whether to cancel or not. Just think about this: If you cancel the date, are you missing a really great opportunity? Even if the outcome is that he “only” turns out to be a good friend and nothing more, you have won more than if you cancel and lose every opportunity to really know him. In addition, there will be two people -you and him- who are not sitting unhappily at home feeling uncomfortable and lonely.

And the answer to the question at the beginning -How do I cancel a date?- is quite simple: It does not matter how, whether by phone, email, SMS, just not right before meeting him and not with silly stories that might offend him. The truth is better, also for men, than any lie.